im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is Oprah even human
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
