I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
