Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
