My balls are so social today.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
