Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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