He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
