i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
