Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
