Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
