just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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