So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
