I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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