Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
