you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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