Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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