How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
