Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
