It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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