Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
