You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
