You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's blow job season.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
