Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
