in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
