I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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