Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
