How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
