I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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