She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
