Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
