If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
