Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
