I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
