he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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