To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
