Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
