Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my being single is dangerous.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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