I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
