how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
