Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
