guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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