Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
