I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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