So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
