Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want nice things and good sex
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
