my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
