dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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