i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
