Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
