do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
