he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
