She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
