I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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