The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
